Go Ahead, Make My Convention...

I just had an epiphany. Okay, hear me out on this.

Well, it's more theory.

A thesis.

Just because you're famous, and extremely manly, doesn't mean you're at all gifted in the political spectrum, good at debates or even very good at speeches. I say this because I just saw the manliest man in the world brutally massacre a speech at the Republican convention. One would think that a political convention's mystery speaker would be a politically acute individual, but apparently that's incorrect.

Who was this mystery speaker, you ask? None other than Dirty Harry himself. 

Political speech at a Republican rally? Guns and rage it is, then!

As the legendary star of classics like The Good, The Bad and The Ugly and Dirty Harry - amongst many others - walked on stage (this is pivotal, mind) the audience roared. "Clint Fucking Eastwood at our fucking convention. Shit. We're not worthy."

Not only is he too manly for clothes, he's manly enough for a cowboy hat not to look gay.

 He mounted the stage accompanied by an incredibly manly western tune and raging applause, and proceeded - after the screaming had died down - to ask what a movie tradesman like him, a Conservative, doing there. Apparently there are Conservative movie stars (we all had no idea) and he is one! He made some quick jabs about how Oprah cries at things and how his emotions run rampant about the 23 million unemployed people in the US. All in good, political fun. So far so good; we all expected unemployment issues to be raised - it's a massive problem - , and it's not really a massive surprise that he made fun of Oprah, everyone does.

What happened next was a surprise to us all.

He brought out a chair. 

This chair was actually President Obama.

At this moment I think we all realised just how bonkers one gets from playing Dirty Harry.

Clint: So, Mr President, how do you handle... uhh... how do you handle the promises that you've made, when you were running for election, and how do you handle, uhh, how do you handle it? I mean, what do you say to people, do you, do you just... I know... people... people who are wondering...

Chair: ...

Clint: You don't... okay...

This went on for some time, brining up subjects like Guantanamo and the war in Afghanistan, both which were blamed on President Chair.

Mr President, do you think your metamorphosis into a chair will impede 

your chances of getting re-elected?

By now all the laughter from the audience was either one of three things:

1. Supportive pity chuckles from people who thought they would hurt Clint's feelings if they didn't laugh at his jokes and his, disturbingly enough, rather heated debate with a chair. 
2. Rancorous laughter aimed at him, from the people who had actually realised that, yes, he has actually gone bonkers! Yay!
3. Finally, the maniacal gibbering and distraught screaming from those equally crazy as he was.

 The speech didn't carry on much further; Clint mostly teased President Chair up until the point where he ended the speech with a few well-chosen political slogans such as "We own this country!" and "Go ahead, make my day!" to which the crowd went wild. For some reason. I'm not actually sure.

Now, most people must've realised that this speech wasn't very good, at all. At least the brains behind the convention. Many highly appointed officials gave their opinions on the speech, lauding it, and Clint, which such well thought-through comments such as "The fact that he walked on stage was tremendous, just tremendous!"  and "That Clint Eastwood, himself, showed up is amazing!".

I need to adjust my theory.

Adapt my thesis.

All it takes is showing up, which is amazing, and walking on the stage to make your performance tremendous. At least if you're Clint fucking Eastwood.